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TO EXPECT IS WHAT LEAVES ROOM FOR DISAPPOINTMENT...

TO EXPECT CAN TURN TIME INTO WASTED TIME YOU SPENT...

A LOT SPEND THEIR TIME WAITING FOR PERFECTION...

THEY WONDER WHY THEY'RE NEVER HAPPY; THEY DON'T REALIZE THAT:

WAITING FOR PERFECTION IS HAPPINESS' REJECTION...

None of that money nd hoes bullshitt. i fcknn love this songgg. finally something i could relate too. fcknn love this songgg:

I love you nd weve never met...
not that we never will; just not yet...
Im not counting mississippis; im counting days nd Im not sure which im on, i kinda lost count...
Im squeezing my eyes tightly. it helps me picture what your like nd where you could be found...
Our love is hide nd seek...
Go ahead baby hide, I promise I wont peak...

The soft can't last through hard times...

Thats why They hide some of their truths under their protective lies...

it's like mailing something delicate...

You want to make sure its delivered to the right person nd in case

it's not that's why you protect it...

You Throw in Something like bubble wrap or styrafoam...

like the rib cage over your heart or the fence around your home...

the more delicate nd vulnerable when it's reached...

Equalls The stronger the bone is or the higher that fence is to be

jumped over; leaped...

it's like a diary, some put a lock on it for more protection. You

could find the key to it or just wonder...

They layer their ttrue feelings so you have to really work for the

value of what they prize down under...

those who don't seem to love could be the best of lovers...

those who are the softest are the ones with the hardest covers...

you may not see it at first but there is a point to loving em..

I know what I'm talking bout, Believe me. I'm one of em...

 

really what's being different now a days?
Everythings been done, all kinda ways...
People wanna be different so for something outta the ordinary they
aim...
Thing is now a days everyone wants to be different which makes em all
the same...
they're all aiming for the same thing, it's a pointless game...
everyone should just try nd being themselves for once. Whatever they
were given; they should learn to accept it...
Those who do so are the ones who stick out, they're the ones that are
actually different...

If your that girl that goes unnoticed you'll think of that guy you 
know you coulda treated better then the girl he was more attracted to...
if your that guy that goes unnoticed you'll think of that girl that as 
much as you tried shed only laugh at you...
if your that girl that walks in a room expecting to break necks you'll 
realise why guys only want to take you to bed...
Nd if your that guy that has an attractive women, here's the 
explenation for why the rose symbolizing your love will soon enough go 
dead...
We as guys wonder why the cute girls are so stuck up nd hate how they 
just expect attention...
We complain but when we see em we forget all that nd think with the 
wrong head; erection...
all they've gotten growing up were compliments nd that's what they've 
gotten used to...
unless your saying nothing but good things about em ;to hear you, 
they'll refuse to...
If only we didn't indulge in beauty and told girls like that their 
faults...
Sounds fcked up but really if you think about it it'd make them better 
people. guys complain but to fix it; don't have the balls...
See If only we treated all girls equally, regardless of the size of 
her waste, regardless the shape of her booty..
It wouldn't be til then that we as men would stop complaining nd 
recognition would be given to what is TRUE BEAUTY...

I could smile, frown, grunt nd etc. But there's so much more to a

blank stare...

Me showing nothing tells alot more, it's blank nd leaves your

conscious to decide what goes there...

Guilty or innocent...

it'll be seen in it...

Now look at it, does it look like it wants to smile?...

Does it make you wanna smile?...

does it look like it wants to cry?...

Does it make you wanna cry?...

does it have anger in it?...

is there something you wish you could change in it?...

Does it look dissapointed?...

whTever it is you see, your inner revealed conscious thoughts joined

it...

Do me a favor nd take a moment. make my blank stare a mirror. I don't

ask you tell me, just take in what you see...

Thats who you are nd if I died tnight that'd be who you'd forever be...

Girls've told me I think to much...

but I thought that was a good thing? to indulge in everything, every word, every touch...

I notice the little things nd sometimes miss the big picture while they think to much about the big nd the little goes unnoticed...

it brings me to wonder, which is more important? is it better to just look or actually focus?...

idk but i came to the conclusion that i do it cus i care, is it really a bad thing to think to much?...

or do they just not care much to not think enough?...

Been reading this book, this shit stook out to me; relating.

Makes me wanna holler by Nathan McCall:

"I tried sharing books and ideas with Rita to ignite a mental spark, but often all i got in return was empty stares and this complaint: you think too much"

"I wanted to bring back that reality, nobody can ever be confused and think I'm fuckin Mike Tyson
and I'm the heavyweight champion, I'm a little nigga, thats why its so raw to just watch me
battle lions, cause I'm a little skinny nigga battlin' niggas three times my size"

-UPPERCUT BY TUPAC 

  

     my thoughts on the intro:       

UPPERCUT; NO MATTER HOW BIG AN OPPONENT OR STRUGGLE IS, WE ALL HAVE ONE.

the point in life is to find the person in the mirror...

Not the image of them but the actual interior...

they say no man plans to fail he only fails to plan...

Nd Planning consists of preparation, having something like direction nd a map...

I'd rather not, I'd rather not know where I'm going...

I used to but I decided I'd rather live blind nd deaf; not knowing...

Cus knowing what's coming next cuts out some of the experience so it isn't really knowing...

Its when things aren't expected that they;re tooken in nd actually felt...

I guesse that's why people say I think to much,they say I'm too pensitive nd need help...

But see thing is I threw my map away nd decided to get lost; you have to loose yourself to actually find yourself....

FINDING YOURSELF:

ITS LOOKING WITHOUT ACTUALLY LOOKING

It's just how I am...

If one does it once what makes you think they won't do it again?...

let me tell you what I'm talking bout; quick, huddle up. Heads in:

See theres this thing nd I never like to take it as well as i hate to give it...

it's real rare for me to do it, I hate to give in...

To anyone, I wear my heart on a short sleeve nd let them choose the weather...

But when the love nd respect turns cold I layer up.throw on a sweater...

When stabbed in the back I'm not the type to retaliate to it...

i'll just take it, let you see what you did; you decide how you live with it...

I could be your best of friends but fck up nd don't expect for me to give this...

that acceptance of an undeserving feeling; forgiveness... 

extra thoughts:

mistakes teach you lessons nd only those who truly care actually learn it...

those who truly care dont just say theyre sorry for forgiveness; as hard as it could be,nothing is impossible. they find a way to deserve it...

deff miss you bro.

I continuously try over and over to write and express my feelings toward certain people but I always end up getting fustrated and putting it away...
It'd piss me off! but I think I finally found the reason for it as I did it today...
Sometimes not being able to describe a feeling is a sign that that feeling is one of the truest...
but it sucks cus others don't recognize that nd therefore confuse it...
alot of the times we don't express how we feel because words or actions don't seem to accurately describe it...
alot of things just go unexpressed for that reason; we know what we feel but can't seem to find the words to say or to even write it...
We don't mean to hide it.Trust me, to show it is something we want nd wish we could do...
It's just that it seems impossible to do it accurately. Caring so much makes you take precautions which makes it so damn hard to...
Expressing how you feel for eachother is what brings people close...
It just sucks how alot of the times we can't express it to even those that truly matter; the ones we love the most...

sometimes the education we need most isn't in the classroom.

my dream

deff on their way:

Lifes a game of chess...
I could think of what the right next move is or just guesse...
Once a move is made, it's made. Regret it? Too late...
Your fckd, that's it or a step closer to it, checkmate...
I Was given pawns queens nd other assets to Help get what I want in life...
The board of decisions varies, could move diagnal, up, down, left or right...
Everyday is a new decision, I have my own strategy, its my own Philosophy...
Im the king of my board nd Only I know what goes on inside of me...

Alott of us may not cut our lips the way the joker did but can relate in the way that we find something; good or bad to keep that smile on our face.we do what we gotta do.

I'm sorry for misusing her and taking her for granted.

I regret not holding her every chance I had, I would never let her go now if I had it...

I thought I was holding her in different things. Unknown territories made me think she was with me all along.I never thought I'd be hurt...

After a while i became familiar with the new things I was trying nd realized all along the person that was by me was just an illusion of her...

It wasn't till she left that I realized how much she's worth and now I constantly ask myself when or if shell ever be back...

I'm jealous of all the people she's with. I see all the things she's doing with others nd I realise That coulda been me; fck it makes me sad...

there's so much more I could say about her but the point is I realized alot and I'm sorry. Somehow getting her back in my life is all that now matters...

I should have expressed this all when I had her. I don't anymore but alot of you do, I see her in your laughter...

Nd that brings me to the favor I have to ask; I need you to tell her how i feel about her for me...

She might not remember me, give her my name. Its Tony...

you may be reading this nd be kinda confused about who she is.This girl isn't a girl. She's actually a thing.Those of you that have her can think of what you love nd that's where you'll find it...

Or if your like me you won't be able to, that's emptiness...

Nd It's all due to it's absence; her literal term is happiness...

A THREE LAYERED STENCIL I MADE FOR KEVIN. 

ONE OF SOME FROM MY ARTSY SIDE (:

SHE DOES ENOUGH BUT STILL DOES THE LITTLE THINGS LIKE THIS (:

ILY MOM <3

had to write a two voice poem for class. i wrote two but ended up turning in the 1st one:

Low School:

Pep rallies, games, all types of events...
Man i dont know how im going to do with high school and all it presents...
Theres all types of groups. Its easy to determine the out from the in crowd...
Which am I going to become, the unnoticed or the proud?...

Same school and same expected events...

Excitement and fun of it all came but eventually left...

I am who I am. no need for introduction. No need for a debut...

I can be one person today and tommorow another.

People and things do it everyday, I can change too..

.

What goes up must come down...

The same thing that once made you smile can make you frown...

Girls to the left and girls to the right...
They make the girls from last year look just alright...
Will I ever get the chance to talk to them? I really hope so...
They only talk to the guys with things I dont have.
Nice car, nice clothes and a pocket full of dough...

No girls up front, alot left behind...

It seems like a girl with something real to share with is impossible to find...

The ones with the perfect face and waist are the types I used to chase...

I unexpectedly got to know them and realised alot of them may be beautiful

but alot of it is just beauty gone to waste...

Sometimes its better not knowing anything...

One thing can reveal it all; everything...

Theres the sound of the bell, time to head to the next class...
On the way I see shared hugs, shake of hands, smiles, and even laughs...
I see huge groups of people coming together to be just one...
Thats how high school started; begun...

Theres the sound of the bell, time to head to the next class..

So many memories were shared within people that no longer even bother to acknowledge eachother as they pass...

Alot of groups split up. Went from being so big to becoming so small. They no longer blend...

Thats what they've became and how It's all going to sadly end...

High school can be looked at as a good or bad time. Freshman to senior year; all four...

Good wouldnt feel so good if it wasnt for the bad

and bad wouldnt feel so good it it wasnt for the good

Thats why I like to undulge in the bad, that way I appreciate the good times in mine alot more...

Personal Communication:

Tony listen to me! Im in here.
I miss you, I want to help. I can make things clear.
Im drowning in the tears you cried on the inside.
Take me back, ive missed you ever since you replaced me with them. They call them your ego and your pride.

Is the person in the mirror talking to me?
All these problems are getting to my head, it cant be.

I hate High school. Teachers are calling my parents, its killing me.
They're saying the same thing they always say; "Your student isnt working to the best of his ability."
But what do they know? They dont know anything about what I could be.
I can't even remember who I was yesterday. Someone remind me.

 

I am the person you used to be!
That person everyone misses, that was you and me!
I was the instructor, you were the actor. I was the words, you were the emcee.
We were you, now were just a memory.

Is the person in the mirror talking to me?
Alot of things that I never would have expected to happen happened, it might be.

High school has been the worst 4 years of my life, I cant wait to leave.
I used to wear my heart on my shirt, I now hide it under my sleeve.
People and things always dissapoint me, especially friends and girls. Pretty much anything to do with love.
Ask me a question with what has hurt me the most throughout high school. I'll answer all of the above.

High school may have made you frown but it also made you smile.
Trust me, I know what I am talking about. I asked your heart. It says you two havent talked in a while.
I know you hear me man stop ignoring us and acting like you dont.
If you don't listen to me then im gone. One day your going to want to talk and I wont.

Oh its you! Man I dont want to talk to you. Your the reason I cried!
Your the reason I told the truth when I should have lied!
Your the reason I loved when I should have hated!
Your the reason I stayed quiet when I should have debated!

I did it for a reason. You may have done things but at least you stayed true.
true to us; to the real you!.
Stop doing things to cover up how you truly feel, everyone sees right through.
Close your eyes, take your mind off of everything. Focus on your breath.
Your breathing system isnt something that you normally pay attention to. Its sad.
Now take your mind off of it. I bet you cant.
 Those breaths are all the good times you forgot you had.
Imagine if your body didnt automatically breath for you. You would start to question how many breaths in your ability are remaining.
Think of high school that way. Are you still complaining?

   

All the times I was told I couldn't, shouldn't nd wouldn't do it...

are all the times I went nd did it, there was nothing to it...

To all the doubts nd negative critisism, Iv been deaf. Haven't been hearing...

Oh you were throwing shit at me? I thought you were cheering!...

Juss kidding, that shit ain't true, that's just me lying to myself...

Cus enough lies could make one believe. that way pain isn't really felt...

I won't lie, ill admit some shit did hurt; it gave me bruises...

But dedication is my ice pack; I been using it...

haha just had to throw it on here. so yummy so yummy! (:

i miss being young, not knowing right from wrong... i miss not having worries, being able to remain calm... i miss thinking girls had coodies, caring less about em... i miss believing in power rangers; having dreams. they were real, never doubted em...the list is endless when i look back ;i tend to miss alot when reminiscing...See i miss alot But most of all i miss not missing...

Guesse i got best dressed for school.

When it shines, it could blind...

It never walks around; always climbs...

When it rains, it pours...

It's future is never shown; it locks it's doors...

When it walks it jogs nd' when it runs it sprints...

It always has to be adjusted to; never just fits...

Life's an improvisation; ups nd' downs, never steady...

That's why I hope for the best but expect the worst; its called being

ready...

the biggest groups are the ones with the smallest connections...

i stick to the smaller groups; those who stay real no lies, no inventions...

lifes a marathon; i was blessed to have grown up with the same people nd not having to make new friends cus of differences of schools, moving away or anything like that. the same people have been with me for all the walks sprints nd runs ....

Theyve become my famILY, fck friENDS; cus like the other  groups of people; id rather have a little bit of true friends than alot of fake ones...

THE IMAGINARY HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE BETTER FRIEND. THEY NEVER SEEM TO LET YOU DOWN BUT SHARE THE SAME ASPECT AS THOSE OTHER FRIENDS; THEIR BOTH FAKE...

Truly believing in something gives me tunnel vision….
It is what I say it is and that’s the end of it. Its not right to question it; kinda like religion…
When I want something I go nd get it…
Nd if on my way to achieve it something tries to interfere then I let it…
Let it cus Dedication nd anxiety to overcome is part of me, you could see it in my eyes…
See, Obstacles or not. I promise, at some point I will reach it; the prize…
Like a doctors beat of the heart, ups nd downs/ smiles nd frowns. Never a flat line; im not dead. Lifes just play. No rewind fast forward or pause so I gotta do what I gotta do in the adjustment of what life grows nd becomes…
I live up to my words nd feelings while life plays its game Cus when something in my life matters; nothing else does…

Denial is doubt not a permanent belief…

I see people deny love all the time; they hold cupids bullet between their teeth…

They laugh or judge others cus of the shit they see love do to others…

Truth is they only do this cus the meaning nd impact of love is something they haven’t uncovered…

Love is something that is impossible to explain but perfect to understand when felt…

Those who deny love or say they’ll never fall are the ones that will need the most help…

You see, Denial leaves room for growth…

Those who don’t love are the ones who will love the most…

loves like a drug; the more you do it...

the more immune you become to it...

When you fall in love; you fall off a mountain...

Those who haven't fallen at all are on top of it...

Branches of the mountain are memories that couples try nd hold onto...

Some do but most dont work out cus theres a lack of want or need to want to...

See when one falls in love, they fall off that mountain; all the way

down to the bottom. It's the freedom of falling that feeds your hope...

You soon enough land nd the harder you fell equals out to how much it

hurts. We then try to climb back up as you cope...

Some just climb up find a cave or just somewhere safe...

You may fall again but it won't be or feel the same...

Its cus your not falling from such a high altitude anymore. It's just

the process of love, your 1st love isn't the one to blame...

Thats just how it goes...

Guys become jerks nd girls become hoes...

The excitment of love eventually dies,something like the symbolization

of love through a rose...

im the type that found his safe spot nd just been engraving how i feel nd see things...

Curiosity….
I believe questions are more important than answers…
Not wanting to know more is basically killing yourself; kinda like cancer…
Id rather be judged for the questions that I ask than the things that I say…
Answers nd responses is just the common, my questions show you who I really am nd where I stand in life; questions not only tell, they portray…
So when you judge me; judge me conveniently not off the back cus its faster…
You could tell what a person knows by what he or she asks; But you cant tell what he’s wondering or tryna be or from what he answers…
Life’s a battle nd my questions don’t only tell you where I’m at; they tell you how ive fought…
I’m that kid that actually knows something nd therefore admits to not knowing a lot...
cus we all live life at the same velocity…
but not all give attention to what I do; curiosity…

CURIOSITY

Seen her, gotten a glimpse of her, shook her hand; but never actually stayed around long enough so i never actually met her...
Sometimes I wonder if she's even real or if she's just an illusion; think if she came to my presence alotta' my relationships woulda been better...
Sometimes iv felt like she was maybe here or at least coming...
Coming in the presence of another person; then next thing I know, she takes off. Running...
If theres such thing, I'm hoping she comes back sometime soon, but this time to stay cus for a healthy relationship she's a must...
Can't build tgether with someone without her; almost impossible to find, they call her trust...

not really directly to this person cus i dont know too much details nd only know of you so much, juss something i wrote in class nd figured kinda related to you; hope you come back on nd take the time to read it. he gives you hallmark; cards... i give you poetry; me (:

I have always said it; everything is fine but not okay...
I see it in couples, especially those being hurt, thinking only for tmmrw nd not for the present; tday...
Thinking to much about what feels like is meant to be...
Focus their attention to much on this, never to stop nd ask themselves, is it all worth how much it's hurting me?...
They say your in love when you don't wanna fall asleep cus your reality feels better than your dreams...
You find yourself tryna fall asleep; wtfck? Stay up! Enjoy life. Your relationship is pretty much over, or so it seems...
Don't wanna let go? Gunna miss holding, hugging, kissing, or just having em around?...
You have the fckn world around you! Oppurtunities! Everything made or grown from the ground...
Don't fall into depression nd depend on an ounce or a pound...
There comes a time you need to realise the difference between what your feelings nd believeing from what your actually deserving...
Need to realise that the road to forever in love is over. It's no longer straight. it's now heading the opposite way, curving...

He's the reason why people become accomplices or your friends...

Him you nd another, that's how a friendship starts, blends...

He'll only come if you give him. It's that give to get deal...

Can't jut give em to someone right off the back tho; gotta keep it real...

He's your shield from all the bullshit nd immaturity...

Your umbrella, He keeps you dry nd in good weather. With you when you ignore the humidity...

Do all the right things; be the cause nd he'll come in to be the prize; the effect...

You want em on your team; attract em, use your intellect...

But you can only get em to be on your side if you stay true to yourself; can make you or break you; his name is respect... 

 

She's a sword with both ends sharpened...

Fck up nd the thought of her will keep you worried, haunted...

Depending on what side of her your on, determines if you want her to come or stay away; she's usually unwanted...

She's the reason for the decision of going through he'll to get to heaven or going through heaven nd going to hell...

But it's up to you, it's your own story to tell...

She's just the reason for the flip; you can ignore her to only later be reminded...

The loss of something, shell be the reason for which you find it...

If in want of revenge; she could be your favorite ally or can fck you over, be the opposite of kindness...

Don't do something bad whether you regret it or not; shit will come back man I warn ya'...

I believe in her bittersweet beauty, I believe in karma...

 I gave it a break... 

All the girls of my past been fake...

you'd think I was the type to recycle a chick...

hearts of steel; i juss been looking in the wrong bin, they've been all full of plastic...